The Kiss of Deception Book Review

My sincere apologies for the lateness of this review. (I'm three/four books behind, time for my walk of shame.) I'd been wondering when the moment would come when I would be reading four books at once. The tragic day has come. I've been reading a 17th century play for Dutch, To Kill a Mockingbird for English (I haven't said Mockingjay ONCE in public, applaud me), Tintenherz for German, and the Kiss of Deception for fun. I feel so proud that I managed to finish this book. I hated it. I really did.

The Kiss of Deception by Mary E. Pearson

The stages of reading this book:

1.  I might be suffering a book hangover from Carry On. I just can't get into this thing.
2. Finally. We have arrived.
3. Hey, I used to make up similar stories about run-away princesses going to live a plain life with a maid. When I was ten. And when I did, I stopped halfway through because I got bored. Not that I have published a book or anything. It's just the truth.
4. The second love-interest has been introduced and I know that, "There's a storm coming, Harry."
5. Nothing's HAPPENING...
6. Can I die now?
7. KILL HER!? For my sake, please kill her.
8. Am I done yet? I am not done yet.
9. Plot twist that is barely a plot twist because it doesn't make any sense, but I still saw coming.
10. Okay, there may still be hope. No. Just fear.
11. This is the most obnoxiously feminist book I have ever read. Give back your trophy, Kiera.
12. Oh no. You can't do that. I forbid it.
13. She did it. There's a Chosen One.
14. *terrible Taylor Swift voice* YA authors only want love if it's ANGULAR.
15. I have proven that one can sadly not die of boredom.

Rating:

1,5 star, with a bit curse words. (1 star on Goodreads, because I AM that cruel.)

This isn't even a spoiler section. There are literally two plot twists in this book and you can guess them once you're, like twenty pages in.

But for all of you who will ignore my warning and will still insist on wasting money on this piece of not-nice-word, I will not discuss spoilers, so we can all enjoy my rant. Does that mean I can be forgiven for all I'm going to say? I believe it, because I earned the right to do so.

Oh, where do I even start? Oh, let's start with my first issue. The main character. I've made a little chart to clearly express my point.

Please. Lia was just such a frustrating character. It wasn't that she was mean or anything, but the entire cast of side characters was CONSTANTLY telling everyone how kick ass and feminist and brave and noble she was and how terrible she suffered all the time. The author was just trying SO hard to make her this super not-girly YA copy of Merida, and I could not take it. I loathed her. I loathed the way everyone was super surprised that she didn't care about pretty dresses and stood up against men. Not only have I seen it all before, I've seen it done better. No one has to tell Katniss or Hermione or Cinder that she's brave or honest or selfless. We just watch them do amazing things and deal with terrible messed up sh!t and respect them for it. I couldn't do it. I loathed her like you loathe that one perfect popular girl in primary school. They don't annoy you because of who they are, but because of the picture everyone paints of them.

The love triangle burned. And stung. And destroyed what was left of a meager story line.

I couldn't do it. I was going to pick a team, I promise you, but I just couldn't. I was in a 492 page battle of who to hate more. The two boys have like, the most cardboard conflicts ever. Oh, I love this girl but I need to kill her. Oh, I love this girl, but she kind of thinks I'm a douchbag just because I'm the future king of Westeros or whatever. And then there was this awful piece of plot twist that was basically a crime against every plot line I have ever read. No. I just. Could. Not. It defied everything that had previously happened, it wasn't relevant to the plot, it destroyed the only possible conflict within a character that I acknowledged as logical, and it did not affect the plot in the slightest manner.

The world just left me so neutral. There's this history that I didn't give a sh!t about, a super power as vague as this blog's URL, and a legacy that you see coming from page one. Okay, I'm apparently not THAT neutral.

Do you want me to address the obvious weakness of a side character that made me cringe with detest?

Are you interested in hearing of my oblivious attitude towards two character deaths that should have been moving?

Do you feel the need to discuss the completely cliché idea of a Chosen One?

Do I have to tell you about the huge 200 page gap between something-happens-but-no-one-gives-a-sh!t and some-totally-random-predictable-cr@p-hits-the-fan?

Should I feel obligated to go over the cliché, one-sided personalities of two other side characters?

Do I need to inform you of my stand on the complete personality change of love interest Blonde after RANDOM PLOT TWIST #1?

Do you still plan on reading this book because of the pretty high fantasy cover?

Well I do not anymore. This is the first time I break my habit of reading an entire series once I've started it. I finished the book, but I won't survive the sequel.

We've all asked ourselves how people could hate a book that we love, but now I ask you, 11094 Goodreads users who gave this book five stars, how did you do it? Did I read the wrong Kiss of Deception? Have I been hit by the Imperius Curse? I do not know, and frankly, I don't want to know.